chicago | bear with me

With family:

The small moments - savoring the small hints of mirth, betrayed by a twitching of the lips; sitting and waiting for things to happen; preparing food and taking care of one another.

One pivotal moment - graduation.

In these moments, I'm beginning to understand how vast are the depths of thankfulness; I'm only just learning how much room my love has to grow.

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Even in an entirely different state, actions are familiar: the way my father starts joking and making faces when he catches the eye of the camera, the way my mother fusses in taking care of us all, the way my brother pushes me over and over but finally, fiiiiinally lets me hug him. :-)

Capturing it is easy in the way pictures and videos are easy - just a click of a button. What's so much more difficult for me is the articulation, finding the exact way of grasping with words the things I value, and why. Especially the most important things.

When we flew out to Chicago for my brother's college graduation, I was standing on the balcony at his apartment when it struck me how long it had been since the last time I stood there: three years ago, the summer we helped him move in. Before that, the year we said goodbye in a hotel room and watched the door close behind him, almost in slow motion, then sat in silence wondering how the time had passed so quickly. So much is changing. Sometimes the differences seem imperceptible, and sometimes it hits me all at once. Sometimes it's little things, like flipping through old pictures and realizing the girl who shares my face is now a stranger. Sometimes it's comprehending that I just flew out to see my brother graduate college - a place I was still processing that he left for in the first place.

A lot of things have shifted, including us. The family of my childhood is inarguably different and marked by time. We are a group of people with whom time together is scarce, and all the more precious to me because of it. Family is really such an inextricable part of who you are - who you were, who you'll be, because of the good and the bad. It took me a long time to realize that instead of trying to escape it, but despite my reluctancy, immaturity and inability to express it, I'm thankful. 

Thanks for bearing with me. Now, here is an illustration of my family in bear form. 

A note: This blog started off as an extension of a pre-existing Instagram hashtag (explained in the link) dedicated to food. However, I quickly realized this focus was narrow and limiting in its capacity to express everything I wanted to express. For a while, I've been debating whether I should change the name of my blog or start a new one altogether to house a broader scope of interests. However, I've decided to keep my name - I've grown quite attached to it - and group like-minded posts with labels. Hopefully that will suffice, but there is still a "to eat" tab to get your #thekaikitchen fix all in one place.

That's all for now. Adieu, Blogland.